I’m really tired of the dating scene so I thought I’d try something new. I just signed up for the personals on Yahoo. I’ve tried to meet a few people and I haven’t gotten a single reply.

I’ve gotten to the point where I’m just contacting anything to see if I’ll get a response, you know? Sort of like the six-drink theory in a bar, without the hangover. One of the tips from Yahoo was to comment on what they are wearing so my last response went something like this: I liked your profile. It’s always nice to see someone who looks like they don’t care anymore. That shows courage. You don’t look like you’re trying to impress anyone. You seem to be comfortable just being yourself.

So what did they do to your photo? Your face looks all blotchy. Are you having a break out? If it’s not the photo, then might I suggest not wearing that stylish blouse when you’re having your period, because—I mean I’m not a fashion guru—but stripes just don’t go with polka dots. Otherwise, magenta looks so good on you, seems to really bring out your eyes, but what’s with the special shoes? What are you a gimp? Not that there’s anything wrong with that. The girls I dated before always embarrassed me when they drank too much, staggering to the car and all. At least you’ll have an excuse, right? Besides I’m all about the Special Olympics. So this is for you: Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, when you’re in my car, I park in the blue zone too!

Anyway, I’m signed up for this thing for six months, so I’ll be here a while. Hope to hear from you soon!