March 20, 2008: Senator John McCain said if elected president he would follow Osama bin Laden to the Gates of Hell. Hey, here’s an idea: why don’t you follow him to a place in the real world; like a cave in Pakistan.

Gates of Hell...Well, since we’re dealing with myths and mythical places, if I run for president I plan to follow the rest of the axis of evil to Narnia.

"Hell". It’s a mythical place with mythical characters created to scare the shit out of children. Think about it people: the eternal Hell fire? Oil is like a hundred and twelve dollars a barrel. I think the real question is, if there is a "Hell" who’s paying for the fuel? If you believe so deeply in Hell answer me this: What do they use to keep those hell fires burning for eternity? Maybe that’s it. Maybe Hell uses all the hot gas from dead politicians.

Recycling, that’s cool. But if Hell is recycling, shouldn’t Hell be in Heaven?

Hell. Who does John McCain think we are, children? Maybe he thinks that will scare us? "Hell and Damnation". Especially "Damnation". That’s how they refer to the U.S. when I travel. It usually goes something like this:

"Where you from, mate?"

"Me? I’m from the United States."

"Oh, that damn nation."